Friday, August 30, 2013

My Dear Dad

 An unexpected turn of events occurred on my Maine vacation visit to see the family. I just couldn't wait until October as I had planned to meet my newest nephew and spend time with my brother and his family visiting from Bali. With a wedding in Alaska that was smack dab in the middle of the month of August and my husband being away at the beginning of August I was delighted to find a halfway reasonable ticket the day after the wedding to the east coast. In my haste I had forgotten that my older brother and wife had already "booked" a visit at our family camp and I felt a bit guilty for totally overlapping their visit but they were quick to let me know that I was welcome to be there at the same time.
My son had been back for a visit early on in the summer because he had a strong calling to be around his grandparents as we all have had it in the back of our minds that it could be a last visit.
My father, Raymond Rogers was a cancer survivor for over 30 years. We almost lost him when I was in my 20's before he had any grandchildren at all.
There were several episodes in which I just happened to be visiting that he experience various health crises, the most major one being a massive heart attack on the very last hours of a visit to our new home in Arizona 4 years ago.  I was able to care for my mom in the sunniest and warmest of places while he had his quadruple bypass and subsequent aftercare. How convenient!
He is a survivor through and through and has bounced back remarkably from many more tentative health crises.
The week I was here he was doing better than any of us had seen him in past years but the lack of mobility and ability to really do much of anything was wearing on him I know for sure.
Tuesday night my one brother and family and I took off for a facebook friend meetup on a glorious Maine coast day allowing for my other brother and his wife to enjoy a little less crowded time with the folks. My eldest brother is extremely busy as the chancellor of the University of Alaska and has to carve out precious time to visit with family.
Several friends and neighbors had stopped in to visit that day and my dad enjoyed it very much.
We had a wonderful dinner with Alaskan salmon grilled  by my brother and blueberry salsa lovingly prepared by my sister in law and a rare home baked blueberry pie that my mother cooked. She'd given up on baking desserts years ago. I had made a huge jar of kimchee at my brother Dan's request which my dad bravely tried even though he didn't normally like spicy food he actually enjoyed it.
I gave him a little extra helping of pie and got to sit next to him at dinner.
After dinner the folks settled down into the other cottage which is yards away from our original family cottage and were watching an old Sean Connery movie. We stopped in and sat with them and I went back to the other cottage and within several minutes I heard my brother shouting that something was happening to dad. It seemed he had just kind of keeled over and I was there in time to witness his last few breaths while my older brothers brothers heroically did hundreds of chest compressions and mouth to mouth until the EMT's showed up. And because my folks neglected to bring the Do Not Resuscitate order with them from their winter home the EMT's were obligated to work on him for another 20 minutes by state law.
I was able to hold his head in my hands and comfort my mother and my dear sweet father passed away with Three of his five children and daughter in law and wife of 65 years were present in the room when he died..
We made a circle around him and held hands for some silent reflection.
Since he passed my two sisters have arrived and there is not one of us that is not comforted and uplifted by the manner and timing in which he orchestrated his exit from this earthly plane.
There were several signs before and after that some of us experienced in the form of unique animal appearances and dreams that have made the experience so much more numinous.
The very next morning after his death we were standing outside in a circle and my little 15 month old nephew from Bali began waving and beaming as if someone was standing in the gap in the circle where no one was standing and  then he pointed to the sky. He repeated that again later on, pointing at the other cottage and waving, then pointing to the sky.
I needed to chill out the the same morning having a few moments of quiet reflection overlooking the bay after the adrenaline filled and fairly sleepless night, closing my eyes and allowing a few tears. When I opened my eyes from the half reclined position, a perfect bald eagle soared across my field of vision.

 He was a dear sweet gentle and loving man and I feel that I got the gift of being able to say goodbye to him these last four years and bathe in his lovingness and care as well as being able to have the chance to let him know how much I cared for him. Who can ask for more?
His passing not a tragedy but a blessing and he will be missed by so many.
We're so grateful that he didn't have to endure any more hospital and doctors visits and that he passed peacefully in his own home surrounded by so many that cared about him.
In his classic style he made sure he was ahead of me in cribbage this week, 3 games to one, skunking me the first game! 
And he had ordered us all a lobster dinner in advance from the local lobsterman that uses our property as access to the bay which the lobsterman graciously gifted us the order of six lobsters that we ate in his honor that next night.
Here is a picture of us from that last meal we had together.

I'll be heading back to Alaska on Wednesday and then have a busy month ahead of me trying to get ready for several shows, an art retreat, trip back east again and our yearly migration south.
XOXO Kim


42 comments:

  1. So sorry for your loss but happy you got to be with him when he went. What a wonderful man and family!

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  2. Oh Kimberly...thank you for sharing this. What a beautiful tribute to your Dad. Love how he left that cribbage score! Sending my condolences & some virtual hugs. xo, Suzanna

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. What a fabulous tribute for your dad. What a gem of a human being. He must have been proud of you too.

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  4. Sorry to hear of your fathers passing. Seems he had a full and wonderful life with a close and loving family. Who could ask for more.

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  5. As I mentioned on facebook...such impeccable timing on his part. It's so wonderful that you had a good last day with him and family. I don't see how it could have been any better. Sending hugs, Kim.

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  6. Such a lovely post today.
    Sometimes the stars, moon and sun are in aliment so you made your trip early. What a blessing.

    cheers, parsnip

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  7. Kim, I'm so sorry for your loss. It seems he had a graceful passing and has left you with many blessings. It also seems like you have a wonderful family- blessings and peace to you all.

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  8. I send my condolences for the loss of your father. I'm glad that you were able to get that last, special, family time with him and that his passing was in the presence of those who loved him.

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  9. Oh Kim I am so sorry for your loss.
    It sounds like it was a blessed timing for it all and that good moments happened in that day to cherish forever. Your story gave me chills and made me cry for you and your family.
    Sending hugs and peace for your family.
    Amy

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  10. sorry to hear about your loss Kim. Stay strong. *hugs*

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  11. My deepest regards and sympathy, Kim. This lovely tribute made me a bit teary-eyed. What love!

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  12. Sweet friend, I am so sorry for your loss but am grateful for this beautiful tribute to his memory. I have tears in my eyes as I look at the pictures and can hear your voice in your words.

    Hoping you take plenty of time for yourself and your family. Sending you lots of love and a strong hug. xoxo Juliette

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  13. Sweet friend,

    I am so sorry for your loss but so grateful that you were able to all have that incredible time together. I have tears in my eyes as I read your words and see the pictures, celebrating the life of such a dear beloved man.

    Hoping you and your family take the time you need to love and remember, and that you know you are loved.

    Lots of love and a strong hug,
    Juliette xo

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  14. Kimberly I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how difficult this has been for you. My thoughts are with you.

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  15. Blessings to you and your family. How eloquently you speak of your family and the love you have for each other. An incredible experience to bring peace to your memories.

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  16. What a beautiful tribute to your loving and beloved dad. How nice that he had so many of his children around those last few days. Even amidst the sadness of his loss, I hope it brings you comfort to think of how happy that must have made him. Sending the biggest of hugs to you, dear Kim.

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  17. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a blessing that he went with his family all around him.

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  18. Dear Kimberly: Thank you for sharing your deeply personal experience with your Father and Family, and deepest condolences to you all. Your spirit and warmth, love and compassion are so present in your story of the Cycle of Life of your Father and it resonates with us all as human beings. Your touching words are an inspiration, even while we all mourn for your losses (and ultimately the losses we all face) of a dear loved one.
    Love,
    Rosalie

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  19. Bringing back floods of emotion for me after recently losing my mother. I'm so glad you were able to visit and be there for your family. A beautiful tribute to a lovely man Kimberly!

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  20. I know that nothing anyone can say can ease the pain nor fill the empty space, but words are all we have and I would like to think that these words, like time can ease the ache.

    xxx

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  21. Oh my Kim you have such a lot of grace. I am sad for you having to say a final good-bye to your Dad but am happy that you got to share such precious time with him.mitvis a testament to the love your family shares that you have all drawn such strength from each other. I am had you can be at peace with your Dads passing and dwell on the happy memories.
    Hugs
    X

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  22. So sorry for your loss Kim. What a lovely tribute you have shared here. Sounds like you have many memories of wonderful times with family.
    Wishing you peace and a safe trip back to Alaska.

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  23. So sorry for your loss Kim. It seems that it was the best time to go with his family around him. Hugs

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  24. I'm so sorry for your loss KIm. what a beautiful and heartwarming tribute to your father and a perfect testament to what a loving and close family you have...what an honor to grow up with such a wonderful father in your life. xxo

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  25. this post is just so ... beautiful. strange to say about a description of the death of a deeply loved parent, but there you go. you were so lucky to have such a rare father. seems like you inherited a lot from him. im so lucky to count you among my on-line family. i send love and so many hugs and kisses it becomes awkward and uncomfortable. i love you kim.

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  26. So sorry for the loss of your father. What a beautiful tribute and there could be no better way to depart than surrounded by all of your loved ones, at home. He sounds like a very special man. God bless.

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  27. I am sorry to learn of your loss, Kim, but I am glad for you that this came in a way that you could experience as peaceful and good, with your family around,in a beautiful place. You have been especially blessed with a very good and loving dad, and that blessing will stay with you. Sending you some extra loving energy for healing and re-entry.

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  28. Kim, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your wonderful father. It seems like such a blessing that you were there.Peace to you and your family.

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  29. it sounds as though your father had a long and full life, with a loving daughter, who could ask for more? I am so glad that you feel good about his passing and happy that you seem to be at peace with it all... it took me years to get over the death of my father, I hope that your reconciliation is much quicker... xox

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  30. You write beautifully, compelling, touching and open, a snapshot of who you are. Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment of your life. Truly a tribute that any father would be honoured to receive.

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  31. So very sad for you and your mother and family. I hope you can all take comfort that he left with the warmth of your family around him.

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  32. Dear Kim, so very sorry for your loss. Thank you so very much for sharing this wonderful post about this so difficult time. I am sure it helped to have you all there, and what a blessing that you were able to play crib, and eat pie with your dad on this visit - good times to remember. many hugs

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  33. Dear Kim, I am so sorry for your loss.
    I know how much my own Dad means to me.
    Wishing you peace and here is a hug across the miles.
    -sus

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  34. So glad we talked. What a beautiful post about your Dad. Love that photo of you as a kid. xox

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  35. Dear Kim,
    I'm so sorry about your dad. What a blessing that you were there to say farewell. I'm sending you some hugs from your other homeland in the desert.
    ~Liz

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  36. You have been so in my thoughts since reading of this news earlier this week, Kim...this is such a beautiful tribute and his last day sounds very special. He sounds like a wonderful man. A BIG XO, my friend...

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  37. We dont get to pick our families but we have the option of enjoying who they are and what they teach us.
    I am sorry for you loss but you are very fortunate because you have great memories :).

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  38. hope your holding up dear one...thinking of you...
    when my pop passed, it took me a good year of crying everyday before I finally got over it...
    It is a tough one...I know....but it does pass...really it does...just keep happy thoughts about him and ask him to help you through the pain...also i took rescue rememdy Bach flower which does help...xxx cythia

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  39. Kim you have such a sweet soul. A testament to your loving family. What a precious gift to be with your Dad and ease his passing... Sending warm thoughts your way.

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  40. Very sorry to read about your dad's passing, but how lovely that so many of those who loved him were with him at the end. It's a blessing. And, yes, those signs are just that - signs that our loved ones are still with us. I believe that with all my heart, we just have to be still to hear the messages.

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